It has been awhile, ok a couple years since I have posted.  I do apologize.  I have been through a whirl wind of emotions.  My heart has come to a breaking point.  I’m sure many of you have been there.  That feeling that you just cannot breathe because you feel so hurt maybe even betrayed.  I feel that way right now.  My heart feels torn at the emotional seams.  I found myself caring for someone and I wanted so badly to fight it. I knew that the feelings would never be reciprocated.  But I went against my better judgment and proceeded without caution.  I not only proceeded once but allowed myself to be in that sensitive position again, hoping for more, praying for more.  I tried, thereafter, to conceal my feelings and treat them as if they did not exist.  But in turn came many tears of solitude.  Tears that I had let build up deep inside.  Like a fool I yearned for this man.  Everyday it is hard to keep reminding myself to move on.  I force myself to look beyond.  It is easy to trick yourself for awhile.  But before long the realization of longing and depression break my walls.  I find myself crying when I am alone in my car after work.  I wait for my kids to be safely tucked in bed and dreaming before I seclude myself to drown my tears.  I even take late night showers to hide the sound of my pain with the sound of the water beating down my face while washing away the salty tears.  So tonight I lay here wanting to cry myself to sleep.  There is nowhere to hide.  No one to talk to.  No one to confide in for real honest answers.  What tugs at my heart is knowing that there is betrayal from someone close to me. 
This betrayal involves lies given to me, withheld from me.  I have seen something that is hidden.  And even though I cannot delve into this hidden endeavor,I still long to know.  I would rather find out now then later.  This way I could feel the hurt all at once.  I would like to feel better.  So here is to staying strong and pushing on.  All of you dealing with rejection and betrayal please keep on.  Maybe we could all work through it together.  And we could all pray to heal the pain in our hearts. Good night loves and good luck. 

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